First off, let’s start by saying “Not going to happen”. My ex-wife and I have both said “Why did I get married” and agreed that we are way better friends than partners. We are more than just cordial (get your mind out of the gutter) and work very well to do what’s right for daddy’s little girl. Ok, I mean our little girl. However, getting answers isn’t always easy and “agreeing to disagree” isn’t always the best solution to a problem that needs solving.
In this case, the problem is a question:
What’s the best way to show our daughter that we can still take amazing care of her without being married?
My solution is to simply show her (our daughter). To go about our daily lives and constantly communicate, through our words and actions, that mommy and daddy are great parents and perfectly fine as friends. My ex-wife, however, would prefer to avoid any action that could suggest to our daughter that we are back together.
I understand her position. It makes sense, especially because our daughter is so young. Don’t give her a false sense of hope or feed her imagination and allow her to believe in something that will never be possible. I get it. I just don’t believe in dodging issues, walking on eggshells or creating an environment that teaches our daughter to avoid problems instead of dealing with them head on.
My two sons haven’t seen or had contact with their mother in over 4 years. Last I heard, she was a drug addict somewhere in San Diego, California. Yes, it’s not the best discussion to have with your children. It sucks, but it’s not something that I choose to hide from them and they’re old enough to know the truth for themselves.
I told myself that I would never be the reason that my sons don’t have relationships with their mom or anyone else in their family but I also refuse to lie and protect people who just don’t make an effort. Why ruin the trust they have in me by protecting people who don’t deserve to be in their lives?
The same goes for my daughter. I’d rather help her through the disappointments of life than her disappointment in me for lying and avoiding problems.
In this particular case, daddy’s little girl (there I go again) wants her mom and dad to get married again. In her eyes, that’s what a family means. A married couple with kids. And while that’s an ideal and amazing way to be a family, unfortunately, it just didn’t work for us. Our only job now is to prove that our version of a family works. That we are happy just the way we are and that in the end…
LOVE IS WHAT MATTERS MOST
What do you think? Am I wrong? Is it better to avoid situations that could make our daughter believe her mom and dad are getting back together? Or should we work together and communicate (through words and actions) that mom and dad will always be friends and work together because we love her?
I would love to hear your thoughts!
Note: I keep saying “daddy’s little girl” to provoke and motivate her mom.
SHE IS DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL…
But she’s mommy’s little girl too!